What Does Marriage Mean To Us? by Halcyon8

Is marriage valid in society today?  Is it a heteronormative religious tradition, to be passionately discarded?  Is it a sacred gift, a sacrament, a blessing from God?  If it is from God, does it need to be protected by governmental laws? 

Marriage is a commitment. In a culture where divorce is common and acceptable, what does it mean to make a commitment?  What is the commitment of marriage and why do people want it?

Love.  What is love?  Perhaps: Respect.  Equality.  Being open to understanding, open to compromise, open to personal growth for the happiness of the ones you love. 

I've outlined 3 concepts regarding what I consider to be fundamentally important about marriage:

1--a personal journey of growth

2--social harmony and politics

3--our future as humanity

The Personal Journey of Growth

It's one thing to work on oneself at a slow easy comfortable personal private pace. It's another thing to be confronted (by someone you respect deeply) about your imperfections. Marriage is a commitment to compromise, towards the highest self...because on our own, we aren't challenged to grow, at least not nearly as strongly as we're challenged when confronted with a person who is bound to us, who sees our strengths and weaknesses, our good side and our failings on a daily basis. Being married to another person, to me, is a promise to confront oneself, in the mirror of the other...respectfully, from a place of agreed upon equality.

Social Harmony, Politics, and Government

Along those same lines, living as a member of society requires many compromises for the ultimate end of social harmony and civilization.  We all need to respect each other, at least to a minimal degree, in order to achieve civilization. With each marriage as a microcosm of respect, the whole community is a macrocosm of respect. Marriage is beneficial, on the social level, in that each small microcosm of respect keeps respect fresh and alive. Each marriage, when intentionally held in a place of mutual respect, love, and equality, helps comprise the greater macrocosm of social respect, well-being, and harmony.  So, when society doesn't respect a marriage between two people that want social harmony, society is only shooting itself in the foot by degrading the macrocosm of social respect.  On the other hand, when society shows respect, support, and love for two people that want to be a part of macro social harmony, then the whole system registers a higher frequency of love and harmony. The system reinforces itself from both directions.  Just as each microcosm strengthens the macrocosm, the group strength of the macrocosm supports each constituent microcosm comprising the whole.

Our Future, the Future of Humanity

In an environment of micro and macro respect, healthy adults often discover in themselves a weird and compelling desire to care for and mentor new humans, creating a group otherwise known as "a family". This usually turns out best when it doesn’t happen by mistake. And isn’t it a beautiful statement to humanity that a family is not defined solely by genetics? Even couples who find themselves unable to biologically reproduce, nevertheless often desire to give back to the greater good in the way of parenting adopted children. It shows me a very positive thing about human nature. I really believe that healthy humans want to do good, want to teach love, and want to give of themselves simply for the happiness of others.  That is a very beautiful thing. So, marriage, to me, also is for the future generations. Marriage provides support and context for a healthy environment in which to nurture new humans.

To me, the importance of a marriage ceremony is that it addresses all three of these concepts. From the spiritual core of the couple's humanity, they say to the community that they respect each other as equals to answer to each other for the benefit of the whole community and future generations. The community recognizes this and witnesses this THUS creating an unseen support structure, a framework for the years to unfold upon. Some days are hard. On those days, you are bound not necessarily by your own will, but by the group strength of your place in your community social structure.

'Tis a Small Thing? by Ember

Querci, I was thinking about your posts about service to others and I had this simple, but somewhat complicated to explain, idea.  I'm sure it would be a lot better if it had some of your pictures in it.  Anyway. . .

Sometimes when we do a favor for somebody else, what we do may seem like a small thing to us, however, to the person we do it for it may seem like a BIG favor.  And sometimes when somebody asks us a favor it may seem like a small thing to them, but because of our own unique circumstances, qualities and talents it may seem like a BIG favor to us.  If the matter is important, and we are nice, we may do it anyway, but it was a BIG favor in our eyes. 

Wouldn't it be nice if we could always use our talents to easily do BIG favors for others?  That would be so rewarding.  It's a win win situation.  I do something that I don't mind doing, and it is really helpful to you; maybe even something that you are not able to do because of your own circumstances, qualities, or talents.  Serve others with your talents and you'll really cut down on the amount of "work" service you are doing.

It would also be good to be mindful of the talents and sometimes unknown circumstances of others and not judge someone when they tell you that they do not want to , or can't do, the small favor that you are asking them.  We could say, "How rude!  I'm asking such a small thing and she won't do it for me.  I thought we were friends.  She is so lazy!"  But maybe that is not right.  Your small favor might be a BIG favor to your friend.  .  .  or maybe your friend really is just a jerk.