Marriage is a commitment. In a culture where divorce is
common and acceptable, what does it mean to make a commitment? What is the commitment of marriage and why do
people want it?
Love. What is
love? Perhaps: Respect. Equality.
Being open to understanding, open to compromise, open to personal growth
for the happiness of the ones you love.
I've outlined 3
concepts regarding what I consider to be fundamentally important about marriage:
1--a personal
journey of growth
2--social
harmony and politics
3--our future
as humanity
The Personal Journey of Growth
It's one thing to work on oneself at a slow easy comfortable personal
private pace. It's another thing to be confronted (by someone you respect
deeply) about your imperfections. Marriage is a commitment to compromise, towards the highest self...because
on our own, we aren't challenged to grow, at least not nearly as strongly as
we're challenged when confronted with a person who is bound to us, who sees our
strengths and weaknesses, our good side and our failings on a daily basis.
Being married to another person, to me, is a promise to confront oneself, in
the mirror of the other...respectfully, from a place of agreed upon equality.
Social Harmony, Politics, and Government
Along those
same lines, living as a member of society requires many compromises for the ultimate
end of social harmony and civilization. We all need to respect each
other, at least to a minimal degree, in order to achieve civilization. With
each marriage as a microcosm of respect, the whole community is a macrocosm of
respect. Marriage is beneficial, on the social level, in that each small
microcosm of respect keeps respect fresh and alive. Each marriage, when
intentionally held in a place of mutual respect, love, and equality, helps comprise
the greater macrocosm of social respect, well-being, and harmony. So,
when society doesn't respect a marriage between two people that want social
harmony, society is only shooting itself in the foot by degrading the macrocosm
of social respect. On the other hand, when society shows respect,
support, and love for two people that want to be a part of macro social
harmony, then the whole system registers a higher frequency of love and
harmony. The system reinforces itself from both directions. Just as each microcosm strengthens the
macrocosm, the group strength of the macrocosm supports each constituent microcosm
comprising the whole.
Our Future, the Future of Humanity
In an
environment of micro and macro respect, healthy adults often discover in themselves a weird and compelling
desire to care for and mentor new humans, creating a group otherwise known as
"a family". This usually turns out best when it doesn’t
happen by mistake. And isn’t it a beautiful statement to humanity that a family
is not defined solely by genetics? Even couples who find themselves unable to biologically
reproduce, nevertheless often desire to give back to the greater good in the
way of parenting adopted children. It shows me a very positive thing about
human nature. I really believe that healthy humans want to do good, want to
teach love, and want to give of themselves simply for the happiness of others.
That is a very beautiful thing. So, marriage, to me, also is for the
future generations. Marriage provides support and context for a healthy
environment in which to nurture new humans.
